Fear

Yesterday something very crazy happened. I was overcome with fear and listened to it. 

I had big plans for my Sunday: sleep in, have some quiet time with Him, tutor in the making of poems, hit up a new yoga studio, and end my day with some good ol' fashion fellowship. Everything was fine and dandy...actually quite wonderfully peaceful until I my car didn't turn into the yoga studio. It just didn't. I could think of nothing more terrifying than entering the studio to face "perfect" women. Now, I know they are not perfect. They face the same self-image/esteem/worth issues I do. But, I am not in their heads. I am in my head. And in my head negative self-talk was screaming. Small Gentle Voice tried to peak through like a ray of sunshine on a grey Seattle day. 

I went home and ate dinner way too early, because somehow I think food will make things better. I put finger to keyboard and typed away. Battling the fear exhausted me. I could not keep my eyes open for one more second, so I closed them. Guilt overcame me when I woke up to realize it was too late to make it to fellowship. 

Now, I know that guilt is not of Him. I do. I do. I do. But, when the guilt started to fade a sadness was left...I missed out on spending time with those I love.

My soul did find peace last night when Small Gentle Voice whispered, "you have the Holy Spirit."

And all was right in my soul for that moment.